Razor Girl by Carl Hiaasen

Carl Hiaasen

Razor Girl

It may be safe to go back in the water, but,  is it safe to drive the roads in the Florida Keys and KeyWest? Not if Merry Mansfield is behind the wheel.

RAZOR GIRL, by Carl Hiaasen, is the sequel to BAD MONKEY. Carl’s brought back some of the wild characters we so enjoyed and has managed to make them even more hilarious.  Plus, I love that the story exists in the Florida Keys and Key West.

What is Merry Mansfield doing shaving her bikini area while driving  a beat up green Firebird in the first place?  Why, she’s scamming an unsuspecting tourist, of course. Somewhere near Ramrod (get it:)) Key in the Florida Keys, Lane Coolman, a talent agent, is driving his rental car from Miami to Key West,  on his way to the Parched Pirate where Buck Nance is currently set up to begin his new gig. Unbeknownst  to Coolman, he’s about to have his rear end rammed by the craziest scam artist in Florida.

Carl Hiaasen has pulled out all the punches in RAZOR GIRL.  All of them. Nothing is left in his bag of tricks.  He’s got Andrew Yancy returning from BAD MONKEY. You may remember Yancey. He’s a cop turned health inspector who is dying to get back to being a cop.  If only he hadn’t accosted a girlfriend’s husband with a Dust Buster…He lives on one of the Keys and is trying to stop his neighbor who is a product -liability lawyer ( crook)  and his fiancee  from building a sky- high vacation home on their vacant lot. Yancy has become quite fond of his view.  The bride to be is very unhappy. She’s lost her $200,000 engagement ring somewhere on the lot. Little does she know that Yancey found it with the trusty metal detector  and is holding it hostage in a container of hummus. The kicker is that the ring is a cast off from her fiancee’s first fiancee who was much fatter. Bummer. And she’s seething under the collar.

The mob up in Miami looms large over Thebeaux who has been making a killing stealing sand  from one beach  to replace lost sand from erosion on another. His very lucrative business goes by the name of  Sedimental Journeys. The mob wants in on this chunk of change. And we all know that what the mob wants, the mob gets, by hook or usually by crook.

Meanwhile, in Key West, Buck Nance must go on stage.  And who is he? He’s an accordionist from Wisconsin who’s the star of a redneck reality show.  The show is based on the Duck Dynasty phenomena  that’s been so popular the past couple of years. Buck’s group is called Bayou Brothers.   The show must go on. His appearance contains a racist rant that has him hightailing it out the door and scrambling down the nearest alley. All the time being chased by a 275-pound  African-American gay guy. You can see where this is going.

Then the conch train is  involved with a murder.  And the Muslim community is brought into  the mix. Seriously, nothing is missing here.

Brock is the lawyer who’s trying to build on his lot next to Yancey. Recently, he’s made a fortune suing Pitrolux, a company that makes a deodorant armpit gel that is supposed to boost testosterone. But it’s been found to have jarring side effects such as causing volcanic acne and goatees. Not a good thing if you’re a teenage cheer leader….

Where else on earth would someone rename themselves Captain Cock? Only Key West, my friends. Only Key West.

For those of you who have been fascinated by the whole Duck Dynasty phenomena you’ll be pleased to know that Buck Nance is one of the founders of a similar group: Bayou Brothers.

Those of you who look forward to the zaniness of Carl Hiaasen will not be disappointed.  He will bring you to your knees with the over-the-top crazies in this new novel.  He says Razor Girl is one of his favorite characters, ever. She sure is a hoot.  And many of the things that happen in this novel have actually been pulled straight off the news reports. That’s right. You can’t make this sh$%^ up. But Carl takes it to the next level  for our reading enjoyment!

You can find Carl on the pages of The Miami Herald where he makes light about almost everything in Florida. He’s never at a loss for material.

Razor Girl

Carl Hiaasen

My finished hardcover came from the generous offices of Knopf publishing. Once again, thanks, folks! Pub date September 6.

http://www.miamiherald.com/opinion/opn-columns-blogs/carl-hiaasen/

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